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Women. Meh.

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Twatters

Victorian novels are nastier when you know "taking in the air" means just sniffing farts. #bronte
Of all the silent, experimental, Avant-Garde cat films made in 1944, this is our favorite. http://t.co/qtOXblicuW #weedrequired
My "Administrative Assistants Just Pencil It In" bumper sticker is really bringing in the babes. #solonely #gameofthrones

Follow @jensvoigtsarmy

Big Fonts

We like our rides like we like our fonts. Sans serif. If we have something to say, we will say it in Helvetica overlaid on a picture of us looking off into the distance, pretending that our photographer didn't just say, "Look off into the distance like you're thinking deeply about something!"

Blogvertisasionalizing

We look special, but we're just like you. A couple of cyclists who ride around with a professional stenographer in tow. And just like you, we want something for nothing. So if you're a "sponsor," we'll pretend we just discovered your product and love it. Hard and in public.

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Women. Meh.

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Look Haggard. It sells.

Big Fonts

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